The Importance of Self Compassion

“I’m my own worst critic.” Does this sound familiar to you? It wouldn’t be surprising as most people tend to feel this way. Many people tend to be harder on themselves than others, usually because we want to hold ourselves to a higher standard. However, this usually isn’t effective and even tends to make it less likely that we achieve our goals. This becomes even more true for those with a history of anxiety, depression, trauma, burnout, or most mental health concerns.

As we move toward being kinder to ourselves I like to point out that if you do identify with the previous paragraph then you are already trying to help yourself. In the vast majority of cases we aren’t self critical simply to make our lives worse, but to help ourselves meet goals and improve. These are positive things, and being kind to ourselves is the way to move toward them. If you aren’t sold on the idea that kindness helps, then imagine if friends or family were having the same struggles you are. Would you talk to them the way you do yourself? If you did, would it help them? Very often the answer is no and it’s true for us, too.

Now that we have the idea that our self criticism is just trying to help us but not effective, what can we do instead? This question can be very hard to answer as odds are you have been harsh to yourself for a long time and are not sure what something else may look like. A good place to start is the example given before, ask yourself how you’d treat someone you care for in the same situation. What would you say? How would you say it? Would you judge them? After figuring out how you’d help someone else, take that empathetic stance and apply it to yourself.

This is a start to being kind to yourself. Everyone’s answers to what effective kindness looks like can vary, so here are some guiding elements to help you as you start to make it a habit.

• Be patient, change takes time
• Validate your emotions
• Empathize with yourself for having these emotions (even if you feel you shouldn’t have them)
• Respond to your frustrations with encouragement to yourself
• Focus on how you can achieve rather than how you failed
• Don’t beat yourself up about beating yourself up, simply return to kindness

Each of those bullet points could be an article itself, so know this is no easy task. Being kind to yourself, especially when you aren’t meeting your goals or expectations, is very difficult. It’s a skill that takes a lot of time and self reflection to learn. Ultimately it is worthwhile as it not only helps us feel better, but provides with a more constructive way to respond to problems and challenge ourselves to improve.

If you feel you could benefit from additional training in self compassion and kindness, you can schedule a session today at burnoutpreventiontherapy.com. We will be happy to guide you through your journey.